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Somewhere on the Internet

by Naked Mall Rats

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Intro 00:06
Here I am now, entertain me There must be somewhere on the internet I can go Where furverts serenade me with mp3s of ukelele Where I'm not bored or ignored Where dramas can unfurl in a semi-real world And I can argue with strangers! Where I can converse in text, pics and links, quote in verbatiim Steal all the music and movies in history and never read a book, but maybe a blog Where every day I get a message, saying: LADY YOUR DICK IS TOO SMALL, BIGGER IT NOW SUDDENLY! NATURALLY IRRESISTABLE YOUR CORPORATE IDENTITY! GET MUSCULAR, THICK-VEINED PORN STAR COCK! THIS IS THE MOST MODERN AND SAFE WAY NOT TO COVER WITH SHAME! There must be somewhere on the internet I can go Where all my interactions are transcribed for posterity And nothing is left to the vagaries of memory My emotional history compiled from binary and Rendered up in cold text in few fonts There must be somewhere I can go on the internet Is that what I want?
Would you be my television, movie theater, red light district, bar, club, radio, mall, casino, auction house, telephone, travel agent, library, post office, journal, soapbox, magazine stand, newspaper, convention, arcade? Would you do that for me? Would it be healthy? Would you do that for me? I think it'd be handy Handy, and uh, maybe unhealthy
IRL 02:48
IRL, I'm not doing too well Neither are you Nor the world I'm pretty sure
I'm old enough for MySpace I'm old enough for your space Can I come over to your place? (um...) ...and get up in your thighspace? (hell no!) I'm old enough for MySpace I'm old enough for your space I swear I'm not lying about my a/s/l My intentions could pave the road to hell I know that I hid my face In the pictures that you saw But give romance a chance My uber-l33t personality Might just make you fall
How can I not cry When you change the entire meaning of your sentence With a little animated smiley face bouncing around And shooting hearts yeah, Hopefully reducing the possibility of misinterpretation? How can I? How can I not cry? No, seriously. How can I not cry? What the -- what the fuck? I mean how can I not fucking cry? Cry tears! Tears of joy!
People say that I look like a wuss Some emo kid who likes to fuss A shrimp who probably likes it in the butt And needs a tough girl to show him what's what That's not where I'm at I want to lay down the law, in fact I want to give you something to remember And make you know who wears the pants I just want to pwn you in bed, fuck romance
I don't think it's morbid to know ballistics I don't want to be a CPA I just want to study corpses every day for pay Just like everybody else my age I was swabbing mouths for DNA, it was a blast I want to be a crime scene investigator This isn't just a phase that'll pass
Some say that we furs are pervy Call us furverts and claim that we're nerdy But I'm not slut on the scene Hanging on anyone whose costume is keen I don't yiff every predator just 'cause I'm prey Going straight, gay, bi and every which way With the dragons and protoplasms every day I'm looking for love and commitment And when I saw you strolling into the convention lounge With those exquisite markings of silvery black and caramel brown My mind was made up right then and there And when we slowdanced with glowsticks There was magic in the air No doubt in my mind, baby I've got my five-thousand-year-old shapeshifting heart set on you Squirrel you know it's true I'm saving all my yiff for you I want to know what yiff is and I want you to show me I want to scritch all night long Locate the synapses -- touch them repeatedly -- inducing pleasure All night long, baby, all night long, 'til the rise of dawn Baby, all night long, at the hotel room at the Anthrocon
Started on the board Then it was at my shows Now you call me up in the middle of the night Fuck off, please Stop trolling my life Please get your own
Who controls the internet? (I do! No, I do!) Take me to the master of the internet! (No!) The internet is no man's land That's why it's so cool Everyone's one flash cartoon away From a million hits and expensive bandwidth Let's count the days before the corporations And the legislations do their best to ruin it


released March 31, 2007

Justice Thrust - drums
Skin Burglar - guitar, keytar, vocals
GK - main vocals, bass, sitar, audiomulch etc.
Lizbot - vocals

Recorded by Colin Marston at The Thousand Caves
on 10/15/06 (instruments) and 10/22/06 (vocals)
Overdubs and editing by GK shortly thereafter, then re-edited in 2017
Mastered by James Plotkin

Music by GK and the Naked Mall Rats
Lyrics by GK except certain contributions to "Squirrel You Know It's True" by Lizbot and Skin Burglar




George Korein and the Spleen Philadelphia

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